This social media thing is causing problems for many businesspeople. Acknowledge it and you’ll have to learn a load of hard-to-master skills; ignore it and you could find yourself on the unfit-for-purpose pile at your next annual review.
Even so, denying that this social web thing is happening seems a popular choice for many. Here are my tips on how to hang on to your job while remaining blissfully ignorant of the social web:
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Convince co-workers that the Internet is just a passing fad using proven examples of new-fangled inventions that never took off, like dial-up modems, Betamax and long wave radio.
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Adopt the head-in-sand posture while pointing out that if it’s not broken there’s no need to fix it. By the time you lift your head this fad will either have blown over or destroyed all life on earth; you cannot lose.
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Take comfort in the unarguable beauty of your business plan. After all, no-one’s said anything bad about your business in ages. Not that you’ve been listening, of course, but what you don’t know cannot hurt you.
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Offer a money-back guarantee to your boss. They can have the money back if sales don’t double after you spend the entire marketing budget on Yellow Pages ads and fly posters, again. Remember to book a ticket on a one-way flight to Columbia using the final dregs of the budget.
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Bamboozle your directors with social media guru talk by dropping phrases like ‘cost per end action’, ‘SEO’ and ‘hashtag’ into conversations. Chances are they’ll be too embarrassed to ask you what you’re on about and, before long, promote you to Director of Interweb and Technologies.
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Start your own account on Facebook, get your mum to ‘Like’ you and use this as proof that you’re on top of this thing and ready to pounce on the opportunity as soon as it reaches critical mass. Or you get another Facebook friend.
So, there you have it. Six fool-proof ways to ignore this social media revolution and hang on to your increasingly futile and ineffectual career. Good luck.
Thanks to a chat with podcaster Ciaran Rogers for sparking this post.